God, where are you? I know you are there, I hear you knocking and quietly easing my burden and heartache… I do not see you. I am fragile and sensitive. However, you know this. You know I need you to move into the driver seat and take over.
Motions are present and actions are small but alive. It is a quiet pulse in the background that gently reminds me of your strength. The strength that appears just in time to dry the tears and encourage my belief into one more step.
Does it make a difference? In the end, will it matter? What do I have that I can give you today except for what is so precious it hurts me to truly turn it over to you? I am afraid of the answers when I search deep.
Confusion…Anxiety…separation, they are sad and harsh.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
As the clouds disappear in the distance, I realize that I am chasing the sunset. The beautiful horizon minimizes into streaks of gold and bright orange. The contrast is surreal and unimaginable.
It is then that I am reminded of you and how you are gone from me. You left before you and I shared this new sunset…a world I find myself in today. Life has to be more than just chasing sunsets and experiences. We run around in blind corners of the world in a game we will never control or have power over.
What is it we want, what is it we strive for, why do we push ourselves to the extreme for stuff, power, money, and a fake happiness? We get to a comfort level in this dollhouse world we call reality. We then take a quick peak outside of our body and wake up to ourselves chasing the sunset.
May I ask, for what? It doest matter. In the end, our timeline is established and set. We have a limited number of sunsets that we will see, a limited number of falling stars, a limited number of new beginnings and endings.
Its wrong…everything about it is wrong. You should be here, you should be with me, I need your advice, I need your thoughts and I need you to make me laugh…. I need a hug to tell me it is okay.
Nevertheless, here I sit, looking out my window all the while knowing I am chasing the sunset.
It is then that I am reminded of you and how you are gone from me. You left before you and I shared this new sunset…a world I find myself in today. Life has to be more than just chasing sunsets and experiences. We run around in blind corners of the world in a game we will never control or have power over.
What is it we want, what is it we strive for, why do we push ourselves to the extreme for stuff, power, money, and a fake happiness? We get to a comfort level in this dollhouse world we call reality. We then take a quick peak outside of our body and wake up to ourselves chasing the sunset.
May I ask, for what? It doest matter. In the end, our timeline is established and set. We have a limited number of sunsets that we will see, a limited number of falling stars, a limited number of new beginnings and endings.
Its wrong…everything about it is wrong. You should be here, you should be with me, I need your advice, I need your thoughts and I need you to make me laugh…. I need a hug to tell me it is okay.
Nevertheless, here I sit, looking out my window all the while knowing I am chasing the sunset.
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