My son had his 7th birthday. He is so wonderful. He didn't realize it was yesterday until I woke him up and told him I had a surprise for him.

When I mentioned he was a year older, he wrapped his arms around me and said Thank you mommy!

Words cannot describe how thankful I am for him.

Passion is unbelievable. It is also heart breaking and gut wrenching. I love the racing breath and the butterflies...

I dont know why I am jealous of you now.
You had him and he loved me then.

I have him now if I want him but you still call him.
Where is my confidence in the fact that he loves me and can't forget me?

Where is my confidence that i gained this past two years while we were apart?

You make me smile and pissed in the same moment. We left each other so why are we still connected? I'm a different person now and I'm confused between the person I want to be and the person I know you know I am..

Tired of these games. Wishing upon a magic 8 ball for the answers but the response is always try again.......

Fathers Day is approaching. I gauze into the back yard and ponder if he still even thinks of me? I harden myself so I don't have to relate to others who have a best friend relationship with their father. Just me and my un-normal state of mind....

seeking resumes

I've always heard you are the average of the 6 people you spend the most time with. Since I really want to improve my averages in certain categories, I am looking for resumes for individuals who fit the following profiles.

2 candidates who makes 250k a year and have a great steady financial plan for their future
2 candidates who work in something who makes them feel special at the end of each day regardless of pay
2 candidates with a decent income, okay job and an outrageously spontanous sex life that has lasted more than 1 year.

Still searching for the 6 candidates.

Sometimes silence for a few days is the best answer

She wasn't sure if it was this time of year or that her mind was racing with what had happened in the last year. She could call her friends and her family but she didn't want to. She wanted to be alone. She found herself in her car and overwhelmed with silent tears. Why is it that March is a hard month. Is it because of her wake up call 5 years ago when the glass in her glass house shattered? Or was it that just last year she stepped out of the broken glass house and had to find her way through the sharp edges of what was leftover to a new house without the glass. The last year had gone by so fast and so many things had changed that she still hadn't caught up with reality yet. She was overwhelmed with thoughts of herself. She knew it was selfish but she didn't care. She had cried for family members, broken doors, broken friendships, financial problems, broken lawn mowers and for deaths in the last year. She had forgotten to cry for herself. After a few minutes that seemed like eternity, she looked through teary eyes down the hill where the batting cages sat. Inside the cage, she could see the shape of a 5 year old little boy with the prettiest eyes who showed compassion and love at each glance sent his mother's way. She looked a little to the right on the field and saw a younger version of herself so carefree and alive. The 9 year old was helping a young boy and showing him how to catch fly balls. Both of them so wonderful and so perfect in her eyes. She had taught them to love and be loved. She had taught them not to give up and to get back up and play with all of your heart. She realized at that moment that for the first time in a year she was exhaling. Life continues. The cycle does not end when the glass house is shattered. The broken glass physically cannot hurt us just make us wiser when we are ready for glass around the next house. She had two people who needed her to be strong and continue as she had for the last year.She grabbed a tissue and headed back to the field to cheer those 2 beautiful beings on. She was exhaling and for once in the last year, she was glad she was on her own with these thoughts. Beginnings are scary and endings are sad, its how you handle everything in the middle that counts. She repeated this until she was in front of the little girl with a glove in her hand smiling. She loved the smile she received in return and exhaled again. She wanted to play today....with all of her heart.

EXPRESSIONS FOR WOMEN TO USE ON HIGH STRESS DAYS:

1. You - Off my planet.

2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

5. I'm not crazy; I've just been in a very bad mood for 10 years.

6. Allow me to introduce my selves.

7. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

8. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

9. I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.

10. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

11. Stress is when you wake up screaming and yourealize you weren't asleep.

12. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

13. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

14. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

15. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?

16. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

17. Chaos, panic, and disorder -- my work here is done.

18. Earth is full. Go Home.

19. Is it time for your medication or mine?

20. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

21. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

I miss you.
I miss your touch on the back of my neck.
I miss the way you would softly rub the inside of my knee.
I miss you.

I hate you.
I hate the way I let my feelings show.
I hate the way they made you feel insecure.
I hate you.

I love you.
I love the way you still love me.
I love the way you completed me then and I can't forget about you.
I love you.

I feel you.
I feel you with every breath as you are near.
I feel you when you are close without even touching.
I feel you.

Miss me, hate me, love me and feel me. I will return then equally.

Choices

At the end of every choice we make there are failures and accomplishments. We always want and believe ourselves to be the ultimate perfect example of life and how to live it. We critize others for not meeting our needs or reacting to situations the same way we would. Selfish creatures we become through our own self gratification.

How might we ask ourselves can we change our believes late in life? I don't think its possible. Creatures of habit do not like change nor do we relent very easily when it comes to our wants.

When you smile at me so innocently, I melt. You are my blood and it shows. My heart aches when you are sad. Today when you rubbed my back while we were both sitting on the couch, I realized I was teaching you how to respect and care for others.

I love how big your heart is and how innocent life is for you know. When you asked me if you died before me if God would let me die so you could be with me in heaven, I almost cried.

My son, you are wonderful and a gift I will treasure. I'm grateful to be your mother.

so cute I could choke

"Wow.. Mommy this is your birthdate?"

"Yes. it is. I'm getting old aren't I?"

"Mommy, I can't believe you were born before they wrote the declaration of independence. That is AMMMMAZZINGG"

What I think but cant say

I'm tired today. I want to have strength beyond belief to be everything for you both. I'm just tired today. I won't be the normal loving person today. I am not interested in games or movies or working the new toys today. I just need a few minutes alone.

Please understand that it has nothing to do with you, I am just tired. I don't mean anything by it, I just need some alone time today.

So lay on the bed with me, watch Sweethome Alabama with me if you want to, but please hold off on all the questions about life today. The teacher just wants to relax for the day. I'll go back to answering them all tomorrow every 5 minutes as I normally do, but today, I want a break from the questions.

So what do I do? What every mother finds in the pit of her being and brings it forward. I continue to answer the questions and watch your tv shows with you that you love even if we have seen it 5 times this week. I cook a good meal and clean the table afterwards thinking all the while how nice it would be for us all to just relax and watch a family movie together. I smile and ask you how your day was. I laugh at your jokes and comment on how beautiful and smart you both are.

Then, when its bath time, I sit here in front of the computer to catch up on a week's worth of email. All the while, knowing I am so tired.

Having faith for something with no action to follow that faith kills your hope. If you believe it something, live for it. If you love something, cherish it. If you want something, act upon it.

Status Quo is not always a good thing.