Having kids was the best thing I ever did with my life. They are truly an inspiration to me and keep me going.

I am so very proud of them. I can't tell them or hug then enough for it!

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and change something? I don't mean lots of things, just one decision. Just that one that had a huge butterfly effect that it was unstoppable. I have a few of those.

Some I am embarrassed about. I am a grown woman with 2 kids depending upon me and here I am remembering times when I acted as if I was a nineteen year old. I think of those times now and wonder "what was wrong with me?" My actions could have hurt someone and I didn't even think through it.

It's never too late to turn life around and never go back to those choices that had huge butterfly aftermaths that were dangerous in theirself...

Life Lesson to self: Be strong. Forget the past. Its the past for a reason. You've come a long way baby to let those thoughts interfere with where you are going and how much you should be proud of yourself.

Do you ever feel like you are a victim of the House episode in real life? Doctors assuming you have one symptom and then 5 visits and 20 prescriptions later you have some of the same symptoms and new symptoms along with a new found liking or disliking of some drugs?

Makes me think..........

I know I always think I am right but I dont know how to change this. I feel like I grew up way to early in my teenage life. I depended for the most part soley on myself to make decisions. Frankly when you do that for twenty years you start to feel like you've made it this far on your own you must be doing everything right.

Can't help it. I know it... I don't think I can change this part of me.

Is there such a thing as too much of an anal retentive? I cleaned the kitchen tonight with one half of a piece of paper towel and used every last possible available spot with the towel.

I am either becoming very economical, cheap or something exciting needs to come in and revitalize my life so I have more to brag about...

its our time down here, our time

I am stubborn and have made myself this way. I tend to believe I have to be the best at everything, be athletic, financial stable, knowledgable with a masters (although I will be working forever on this one). It also makes me feel like I let myself down and take too much to heart.

I always go back to the famous movie G**nies. They are at the water fountain where they are discussing other peoples wishes and the bucket comes down.

Mikey makes the best speech ever. He said "this is there time up there, but its our time down here... its our time."

Its our time. Its our time down here. So while all of you have your time up there I will have my time down here/

simple lessons

dirty laundry belongs in the dirty close basket... simple... Its just as easy to walk 12 steps and put it there than it is to leave it all on the floor.

dirty dishes go in the dishwasher.. VERY simple. Its right beside the sink.

For goodness sake... Just put your stuff up where it belongs.. Is it rocket science?

say anything?

I've always struggled with saying what is really on my mind when it really matters. I am not sure if this comes from my childhood, from being hurt by someone I loved or just that I am a chicken when it comes to those matters.

I never know what is the right answer when it comes to matters of the heart. I absolutely hate arguing so will avoid discussions that are heated at all cost. I would rather just give in and move on than argue with someone about how I feel.

Its also the same when I care about someone. I don't want to discuss a relationship status. I prefer to just go through it day by day and let life happen.

Besides, when you start to title things thats when expectations go up and people get hurt.....

took the plunge

We got a dog. If someone would have told me I would have adopted a 15 month old allalopso I would have said they were crazy, but we did it. We took the plung.

We cut all his hair however. My house is not a show house so why not let him get a little comfortable in his new home right away. He is already spoiled rotten.

However, he does the cutest beg you could ever see in your whole life.... The kids are still taking care of him after two weeks so maybe the new won't wear off for another few months.

I won't be looking into pet insurance or anything like that. I don't think I would ever take it that far but we do love him already...

My son had his 7th birthday. He is so wonderful. He didn't realize it was yesterday until I woke him up and told him I had a surprise for him.

When I mentioned he was a year older, he wrapped his arms around me and said Thank you mommy!

Words cannot describe how thankful I am for him.

Passion is unbelievable. It is also heart breaking and gut wrenching. I love the racing breath and the butterflies...

I dont know why I am jealous of you now.
You had him and he loved me then.

I have him now if I want him but you still call him.
Where is my confidence in the fact that he loves me and can't forget me?

Where is my confidence that i gained this past two years while we were apart?

You make me smile and pissed in the same moment. We left each other so why are we still connected? I'm a different person now and I'm confused between the person I want to be and the person I know you know I am..

Tired of these games. Wishing upon a magic 8 ball for the answers but the response is always try again.......

Fathers Day is approaching. I gauze into the back yard and ponder if he still even thinks of me? I harden myself so I don't have to relate to others who have a best friend relationship with their father. Just me and my un-normal state of mind....

seeking resumes

I've always heard you are the average of the 6 people you spend the most time with. Since I really want to improve my averages in certain categories, I am looking for resumes for individuals who fit the following profiles.

2 candidates who makes 250k a year and have a great steady financial plan for their future
2 candidates who work in something who makes them feel special at the end of each day regardless of pay
2 candidates with a decent income, okay job and an outrageously spontanous sex life that has lasted more than 1 year.

Still searching for the 6 candidates.

Sometimes silence for a few days is the best answer

She wasn't sure if it was this time of year or that her mind was racing with what had happened in the last year. She could call her friends and her family but she didn't want to. She wanted to be alone. She found herself in her car and overwhelmed with silent tears. Why is it that March is a hard month. Is it because of her wake up call 5 years ago when the glass in her glass house shattered? Or was it that just last year she stepped out of the broken glass house and had to find her way through the sharp edges of what was leftover to a new house without the glass. The last year had gone by so fast and so many things had changed that she still hadn't caught up with reality yet. She was overwhelmed with thoughts of herself. She knew it was selfish but she didn't care. She had cried for family members, broken doors, broken friendships, financial problems, broken lawn mowers and for deaths in the last year. She had forgotten to cry for herself. After a few minutes that seemed like eternity, she looked through teary eyes down the hill where the batting cages sat. Inside the cage, she could see the shape of a 5 year old little boy with the prettiest eyes who showed compassion and love at each glance sent his mother's way. She looked a little to the right on the field and saw a younger version of herself so carefree and alive. The 9 year old was helping a young boy and showing him how to catch fly balls. Both of them so wonderful and so perfect in her eyes. She had taught them to love and be loved. She had taught them not to give up and to get back up and play with all of your heart. She realized at that moment that for the first time in a year she was exhaling. Life continues. The cycle does not end when the glass house is shattered. The broken glass physically cannot hurt us just make us wiser when we are ready for glass around the next house. She had two people who needed her to be strong and continue as she had for the last year.She grabbed a tissue and headed back to the field to cheer those 2 beautiful beings on. She was exhaling and for once in the last year, she was glad she was on her own with these thoughts. Beginnings are scary and endings are sad, its how you handle everything in the middle that counts. She repeated this until she was in front of the little girl with a glove in her hand smiling. She loved the smile she received in return and exhaled again. She wanted to play today....with all of her heart.

EXPRESSIONS FOR WOMEN TO USE ON HIGH STRESS DAYS:

1. You - Off my planet.

2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

5. I'm not crazy; I've just been in a very bad mood for 10 years.

6. Allow me to introduce my selves.

7. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

8. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

9. I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.

10. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

11. Stress is when you wake up screaming and yourealize you weren't asleep.

12. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

13. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

14. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

15. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?

16. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

17. Chaos, panic, and disorder -- my work here is done.

18. Earth is full. Go Home.

19. Is it time for your medication or mine?

20. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

21. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

I miss you.
I miss your touch on the back of my neck.
I miss the way you would softly rub the inside of my knee.
I miss you.

I hate you.
I hate the way I let my feelings show.
I hate the way they made you feel insecure.
I hate you.

I love you.
I love the way you still love me.
I love the way you completed me then and I can't forget about you.
I love you.

I feel you.
I feel you with every breath as you are near.
I feel you when you are close without even touching.
I feel you.

Miss me, hate me, love me and feel me. I will return then equally.

Choices

At the end of every choice we make there are failures and accomplishments. We always want and believe ourselves to be the ultimate perfect example of life and how to live it. We critize others for not meeting our needs or reacting to situations the same way we would. Selfish creatures we become through our own self gratification.

How might we ask ourselves can we change our believes late in life? I don't think its possible. Creatures of habit do not like change nor do we relent very easily when it comes to our wants.

When you smile at me so innocently, I melt. You are my blood and it shows. My heart aches when you are sad. Today when you rubbed my back while we were both sitting on the couch, I realized I was teaching you how to respect and care for others.

I love how big your heart is and how innocent life is for you know. When you asked me if you died before me if God would let me die so you could be with me in heaven, I almost cried.

My son, you are wonderful and a gift I will treasure. I'm grateful to be your mother.

so cute I could choke

"Wow.. Mommy this is your birthdate?"

"Yes. it is. I'm getting old aren't I?"

"Mommy, I can't believe you were born before they wrote the declaration of independence. That is AMMMMAZZINGG"

What I think but cant say

I'm tired today. I want to have strength beyond belief to be everything for you both. I'm just tired today. I won't be the normal loving person today. I am not interested in games or movies or working the new toys today. I just need a few minutes alone.

Please understand that it has nothing to do with you, I am just tired. I don't mean anything by it, I just need some alone time today.

So lay on the bed with me, watch Sweethome Alabama with me if you want to, but please hold off on all the questions about life today. The teacher just wants to relax for the day. I'll go back to answering them all tomorrow every 5 minutes as I normally do, but today, I want a break from the questions.

So what do I do? What every mother finds in the pit of her being and brings it forward. I continue to answer the questions and watch your tv shows with you that you love even if we have seen it 5 times this week. I cook a good meal and clean the table afterwards thinking all the while how nice it would be for us all to just relax and watch a family movie together. I smile and ask you how your day was. I laugh at your jokes and comment on how beautiful and smart you both are.

Then, when its bath time, I sit here in front of the computer to catch up on a week's worth of email. All the while, knowing I am so tired.

Having faith for something with no action to follow that faith kills your hope. If you believe it something, live for it. If you love something, cherish it. If you want something, act upon it.

Status Quo is not always a good thing.

There are times in my life where I have never felt so alone
Then there are times where I feel crowded

I've had a full house of people in a given day and felt lonely
I've been alone in my house and felt overwhelmed with happiness

I remember times when I've cried myself to sleep alone
and I remember laying in bed talking and laughing with someone

I've felt heartache and pain
I've loved and rejoiced

I've cried when I was extremely happy
I've laughed when I was mad or upset

I've hated you
I've liked you

I've been pissed at you
I've thought I love you

I've missed the feel of your touch and our feet crossing at night
I've rejoiced because I didn't have to deal with your mood every day

I've wanted to call someone but was too nervous I would be cut to the quick
I've called someone and cut them to the quick

I've had friends let me down when I needed them most
I've let friends down because I was too worried about myself.

I've realized that noone is perfect until you fall in love with them and then you take a step to being complete with someone...